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26 August 2012 @ 10:43 pm
I got to spend a wonderful day with my family. I showed up to my brother's house early so I could have some one on one time with my little peanut before everyone else showed up. Started looking for some new places so I can hopefully get the heck out of this place. I am also anxiously awaiting to hear if I am going to be getting my full time status at work. I really hope I get it by the first and that I can move down and help with the new department. Bring on the changes!
What's My 20?: Home
Feelings: hopefulhopeful
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26 August 2012 @ 12:47 am
Ugh, I was having such a good day until about 30 mins ago. The cats were running around and playing, which they tend to do since cats are NOCTURNAL, when the bitches below pound on their ceiling/my floor. Sorry what the hell do you want me to do about it? Cats play and they make noise when they play. I am not going to lock them up, they would freak out even more and the places that they would get locked up in are one of the two bedrooms... heh heh heh... I should try that and see how much they like it. And it's not like their brat and their niece weren't screaming and pounding on walls til all hours of the night last night while I was trying to sleep. Plus they used to not care about the cats running around. Fucking people.
What's My 20?: Hell
Feelings: irritatedirritated
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24 August 2012 @ 12:41 am
Got to spend an hour or so with my family today. I went to the hospital to visit John and Joni and my little Peanut and my parents and grandpa(dad's dad) were there. It was so awesome seeing 4 generations of Carpenter men in one room. My dad looked so happy holding his grandson and kept telling me that he knows I will give them a grandbaby one day. It's what I needed to hear and I really hope it is true. I can't wait to go hang out with the family some more on Saturday after my belt test. I love my family.
What's My 20?: Home
Feelings: contentcontent
Tunes: Miranda Lambert ~ The House that Built Me
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22 August 2012 @ 11:50 pm
As I said in a line in one of my poems, "nothing in life is guaranteed", and it is something that you hear everyday. I always thought that by the point in life that I am at I would be married and have a little family of my own. But, nothing in life is guaranteed. Spending time with my brother, Joni and baby Kannon at the hospital today really drove home for me the fact that I am alone and despite what I posted yesterday I am not really as happy as I let on to be. I really want the whole perfect family, husband, 2 kids, dogs, cats and a white picket fence. I know that things can and will change quickly in anyone's life, but I just feel like I am not good enough for the life that I want, the life that I crave. I feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I love and hate that my brother has found his happiness and family and I am so jealous and that makes me hate myself so much for thinking like that. Maybe I should have stayed in San Diego a little longer, maybe I shouldn't have dated the last two guys, maybe I would have the 'one' if I hadn't dated those guys or left San Diego? Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. A million and 10 maybes. But I will never know, because the past is the past and I need to live for the future and hopefully things will change for me and I will find the one that I can grow my dreams with.
What's My 20?: Stuck in my Head
Feelings: melancholymelancholy
Tunes: Sugarland ~ Little Miss
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22 August 2012 @ 01:54 am
Just read through some of my old posts. Wow, kind of speechless. I had some interesting thoughts and still obviously do. And obviously a lot has changed since I last updated. I would love to say that I am married and have started a family of my own, but my only children are still my cats and there are no prospects on the horizon. Not that I am complaining. I am probably the happiest that I have been in a long time. I am about to test for my blue belt in karate, I have been in it for over a year, competed in 2 tournaments and won 3 events, one was a team event, passed the snake test, didn't 'pass' the crane test, but it was definitely fun and I can't wait to retest next year. I am also getting ready to go on a 3 day retreat for karate next month Going to be some SERIOUS fun. I have a wonderful job, I love my friends and my family and I am totally over the moon in love with my new nephew who was born at 12:05 AM. Baby Kannon Dale Carpenter. 9 lbs 1 oz 22 inches and every ounce a Carpenter. He has so much personality already and I just know he is going to grow into a wonderful man and I get to help walk him through his life's journey. What I did to deserve this life that I have and all the wonderful people in it, I will never know. But I am grateful for this life I am living. I don't think it can get any better than this!
What's My 20?: Home
Feelings: contentcontent
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30 April 2009 @ 08:34 pm
Well a lot has happened in the last 4 months. Zeke has officially acknowledged that we live together, I am still doing very well in school and we have decided that when my lease is up for our apartment we are going to getting a bigger place together so that we can have his kids on the weekend. We have gotten his youngest child over the weekend twice and hopefully will be getting him again Memorial Day weekend. *crosses fingers* I love that little munchkin. We are hoping to find a house that will allow us to have pets so that I don't have to get rid of my cats. That would suck so much. I love my fuz-balls...

Anyhew, this mod completely sucks since I have 2 classes this mod and Zeke is still working graves so we don't get to see each other that much for the next 3 weeks, since the first week of mod is already over... or will be in about an hour. Hopefully these next 3 weeks go by quickly and also the next 2 and a half months so we can go on vacation... I need out of here for a while...

We are also going to go out on a date night on Sunday. Gonna go to La Puente and then the drive in to see the new X-Men movie and hopefully it is showing with another good movie that we haven't seen yet.
What's My 20?: School
Feelings: lovedloved
Tunes: Candace talking
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14 January 2009 @ 05:51 pm
So Zeke and I were talking on line over the weekend while I was house sitting for my aunt and he asked me another interesting question...

Zeke: I prob should not tell you this but I was actually thinking about us and eternity today.
Zeke: I was thinking that if anyone can make me want to re marry it is you.
Zeke: And in the future I think that question is very likely to come up.
Zeke: Not now of course but in the future.
Zeke: Babe it is after three. You need to go get some sleep. I hope those last few statements were not too much. You stopped answering after the first statement about eternity.
Jessie: No it wasnt too much. but still kinda letting it sink in. lol
Zeke: Yeah I really was contemplating that very much today.
Zeke: If I get married again and it does not work out though I am sure my heart will not be able to take it.
Jessie: Yeah.
Zeke: Hypothetically if say in a year or two I got down on one knee, how do you think you would react?
Jessie: Probably bawl my eyes out
Zeke: I didn't think I was that bad.
Zeke: LOL
Jessie: in a good way
Zeke: I am glad. I guess we will see where the future takes us.
Jessie: exactly.

and yet again all I can say is WOW... I am so happy with the way everything is going for us and I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of forever with him.
What's My 20?: School
Feelings: shockedshocked
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04 January 2009 @ 03:17 pm
Ok ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for another rousing rendition of the Boredom Game!

'This one's born to run' ~ Miranda Lambert ~ Mamma I'm Alright

'You are poison on men's lips' ~ Atreyu ~ My Fork in the Road

'Should I assume someone listens when I pray?' ~ Korn ~ Throw Me Away

'All my complaints shrink to nothing. I'm ashamed of all my somethings.' ~ Flyleaf ~ Fully Alive

'Choke on this and on my words' ~ Atryeu ~ We Stand Up

'you think its all the same but I want you to believe I could be so like you' ~ Orgy ~ All the Same

'Baby I could be your sweet baby' ~ Britney Spears ~ MMM Papi

'He sits on his ass she works her hands to the bone' ` The Offspring ~ Why Don't you Get a Job?

'Pick up the phone I'm always home' ~ ACDC ~ Dirty Deads Done Dirt Cheap

'I had no choice but to get down, down, down' ~ Jamiroquai ~ Canned Heat

'She can't remember my name, can't remember at all' ~ Godsmack ~ Now or Never

'Hold on to my heart that is what I do now that I've found you' ~ The Cranberries ~ When You're Gone

'You be left behind if you don't fit in' ~ The Offspring ~ Americana

'Last I got sever a little too much of the poison baby' ~ Carrie Underwood ~ Last Name

'He exhales, a thousand black flowers explode in to butterflies' ~ Atreyu ~ The Theft

'I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn't even matter' ~ Linkin Park ~ In the End

'I just want to have some kicks, I just want to get some chicks' ~ The Ramones ~ Rock N Roll High School

'Take back what you said and I'll spare you pain' ~ Godsmack ~ Stress

'I try to call your name but I am silenced' ~ HIM ~ Play Dead

I have 676 songs on my MP3 player, not sure of the total hours and mins, but its a lot!
What's My 20?: Home
Feelings: boredbored
Tunes: See Above
Someone you know?
02 January 2009 @ 05:51 pm
Many people believe that what you do on New Year's Day sets the tone for your entire year. How did you spend the first day of 2009? Do you think it will influence the rest of the year?

I spent the first day of 2009 on the couch watching movies and cuddling with my boyfriend. I have to say it was the best day that we have spent together since we have been together. I don't think that what we did will influence the rest of this year, I only hope that we will have many more days like that in the future.
What's My 20?: home
Feelings: contemplativecontemplative
Tunes: silence
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26 December 2008 @ 10:30 pm
So I had a pretty good Christmas. Zeke and I went out to dinner on Christmas Eve to have our dinner and we opened our presents for each other. I got him a funny shirt from Thinkgeek. It said 'PEBKAC' - Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair. It has a picture of a guy hanging from a phone cord. Poor tech support guys. lol. He got me a beautiful silver necklace with a heart charm, the charm has little gems in it. I love it. Best first Christmas present.
Feelings: lovedloved